It’s not easy. It’s not easy when you feel alone and disconnected, floating in empty time and space, wasting breaths and killing hours, your soul drenched in the cold spring rain that actually doesn’t touch you from outside your window. You feel alone and you expect the ones who love you to be there. You feel they owe you something, and they’re not giving it to you, and you also know that this is nonsense, and so you sink deeper.
Finally your mind clears and your soul barely awakes. You gain some sense of connection again, and you remember that love doesn’t owe anything. Your clenched heart relaxes and love starts slowly to flow through you again. Love is free, it’s a wild thing, it’s pure and courageous like the heart of a lion, and it doesn’t demand. So you see the ones who love you as jewels, priceless treasures once again. And loneliness comes and goes in waves, the ones who love you may be there or not, they may feel your suffering or not, understand the longing inside you or not. They are only human. But they love you, and with this intuition your heart overflows with love and understanding in turn. The only true thing there is.
And then you awake to the embrace of a sunny day, clear blue sky, warm kiss of spring, promise of rebirth, soul and nature. This gives you a sense – no, it reminds you that you can never be truly lonely. Life is there to cherish you, if only you cherish it back. Love always meets you halfway. It is there.
Grateful. Grateful. Blessed. Aware of having been blessed. And when it comes to love, it always comes back to the one you love most. Love embodied in a beautiful being, yours but not yours, ever-present but not present, desirable but there is no desire… It always comes back to the man I love.
There’s this man out there, whom I love and who loves me deeply, and all of Life flows between us. Mornings together, sheets bathed in the combined scent of our skins, coffees laying in the sun. Gratefulness, surely luck, all chances and our deepest intuitions melted together in the unified field just so that we could meet. Two lives changed forever. Soulmates, twin flames, who knows and cares, the sublime connection is there. And it’s not always perfect, white fluffy clouds, sometimes we forget, our egos clash often, sometimes we’re standing and feeling on the edge, but always… we bring back the love. And it’s always more beautiful than it was before. Degrees of understanding, of separation, of finding each other, digging deep in the soils of our selves and bringing our souls to light, shining and loving as they always were.
So it’s bumpy roads and some wrong turns, missing signs and interpreting the wrong ones, stormy minutes or maybe hours, but it’s just seeds growing on the shallow, but at the same time infinite surface. It’s exploring each other’s weaknesses, fears and false dreams and shedding light on all the dark corners we happen to stumble upon in our collisions. Sometimes it’s not easy, but it’s just us that make it seem hard. In the end, it all comes back to what is always there. Our unstained consciousness, our innocence in love, the flaming exuberance that lies in simply giving the other everything you are. Surrender. Find one another again, every time we lose each other in the empty ocean of passing sensations, suffering and hurt egos, wounded arrogance and ceaseless thoughts that we succumb to, forgetful of the true essence within us. Then, like the mist rises after a dark night and the sun’s rays make their way through the cracks in the heavy clouds, our souls are caressed by each other’s renewed warmth, grace and light. Reborn everytime, the blooming spring of consciousness, the blossoming of awareness, sweet and healing like a gentle summer rain, washing away all layers of forgetfulness, like a fire burning the coals clean and birthing diamonds. Even diamonds start as coal, love. And this is what we never forget, deep within us. But enough with the dark clouds. After all, eternal is the blue sky with its shining sun.
When the heart is bursting open, like a flower spreading its fragrance. Fanfare of life. When all else melts, and the essence remains untouched. When I see the man I love in all his divine beauty. Not perfect, but divine. Filled with love and light. He is in everything. So my flowering heart embraces the whole world. The rain may bring me sadness, but I sincerely love it, for it mirrors illusion rooted deep inside my mind, the invisible cages I build around myself.
Relentless torrents of
superfluous words, fuelled by
sensations stirring within.
But what conquers is the
Love. The blue sky with its
shining sun, shining moon,
the gateway to eternity.